But we like to share and know that some of you want to read them, so here they are!
WARNING: Seriously, these stories feature pretty graphic descriptions of accidental bodily harm. If you’re sensitive to that kind of thing, turn around now, I mean it!
The Slashing Straw
The Tickled Tripper
“My friend’s sister tried to tickle me, so I stepped backwards, tripping and falling into an open dishwasher. There was a butcher knife in the silverware tray, pointed up. It went about 6 inches into my butt and had to be surgically removed.”
The Slippery Slicer
“I once tried to cut a watermelon…with a steak knife. The knife slipped and I cut off the tip of my finger. It was also on April Fool’s Day, so when my mum called my dad to let him know we were on our way to the emergency room, he didn’t believe her.”
The Lacerating Lizard
The Battered Baker
“I work in a bakery and once almost dropped my oven mitts. In an attempt to catch them with both hands, I managed to bend a nail, partially ripping the skin underneath, and punched myself in the balls — and EVERYBODY saw me do it.”
The Christmas Crisis
“When I was about 6 or 7, we were decorating the Christmas tree and my mother stepped on a loose ornament cap. The hooks went into her heel and spread out so no matter how hard we tried we couldn’t remove it. She had to go to the emergency room and the doctors ended up having to cut a larger incision to get it out of her foot.”
The Tripped-Up Traveler
The Hazardous Helper
“When I was 6 or 7, I thought I’d try and be helpful by putting the dirty dishes in the sink. Anywho, I was a short child, shorter than the kitchen counter. I was happily grabbing cups and putting them in the sink, when I grabbed the kettle instead and poured scalding hot water all over myself. I had my hand bandaged up for about six months.”
The Scarred Student
The Slashed Shaver
“I was once shaving my legs in the shower, standing one leg with the other leg propped on the edge of the tub. I still don’t understand exactly how I did this, but I somehow slipped, and as I went to regain my balance the VERY sharp razor blade slashed my nipple. Very painful, very bloody freak accident.”
The Battered Baker, Part II
“I was about 14 and making cakes with an electric whisk when I suddenly thought, ‘I wonder if I can switch this on whilst holding the blades still! A test of hand strength vs. appliance strength!’ I switched it on and all was well, so I turned up the power. I instantly realized what a bad idea this was as the blades drew my thumb in at full speed, and took most of the skin off the front. It was incredibly painful and I still have the scars. Also, my dad was really angry because I broke his whisk!”
The Hot Hurt Hand
“I wanted to see if the water was still hot in a hot water bottle, so I stuck my finger inside. I did not find out if the water was still hot, but I did find out that it’s easier to put your finger in than get it out. In trying to get my finger out of the bottle, I took the skin off, knuckle to knuckle.”
And The Unfortunate Foot Fracturer
Phew. Congratulations for getting through that.
Entries have been edited for length or clarity.